Bumps, Bums, and Bugs

Yesterday was less about the utopia of being retired and more about the indignities that can occur in the course of a perfectly ordinary day.

First thing in the morning I stuffed myself into a swimsuit in my 62 degree house (the nights are now in the 40s and 50s, but the furnace will stay dormant for quite a while yet), determined to cancel out last night’s two pieces of apple cake with a workout at water aerobics.  I threw on jeans and a sweatshirt, packed some towels, and with gym bag and flip-flops in hand, started down the stairs. My bare foot slipped on the carpet and down I went, bumpety, bumpety, bump. I don’t know whether to blame the carpeting or be glad it was there to soften my fall.

I persevered, still went to aerobics and came home ready for a big cup of tea and some breakfast. First, I went downstairs to put my suit and towel in the wash. Full litter box with some – ahem – spillage on the floor. Cleaned the floor. Went upstairs. Hygienically challenged geriatric cat sat looking innocent in the kitchen, an almost-visible aroma around him.

Who, me?

 Dug out old dishpan, washcloth and towel. Backed Satchel up to the water, got a good grip (tricky at best: You need a tight enough grip to hold him, but not so tight that you snap his old twig-like bones), and scrubbed his nether regions. 

The afternoon’s project was to take out the window air conditioners. This wouldn’t be all that labor intensive if it weren’t for the tenants that take up residence in our window tracks every year. I have no idea what kind of bug they are, but I think they qualify for the class of wildlife that uses tools. All summer they bring strings of what looks like hay and build nests. 

In the fall, when I need to clean and put the storm windows into position, I have to extract the grasses and the GROSS cocoons that are packed like cement into the frames. This requires a good twenty minutes of vacuuming and digging with a screwdriver per window. 

Today, every time I oh-so-carefully sit down, I’m reminded of naughty boys who’ve been turned over someone’s knee, but on the plus side, my cat smells better and two of my windows are bug-free.

After a day like that I think I’ve earned another piece of apple cake.