Get off my bookshelf

 

I’ve become a grumpy reader.

There’s a reason I now always check out four books at a time (besides the fact that of the four, I’ve inevitably already read one of them).

In spite of the glowing comments on the back cover, I no longer have patience for poor plotting and characters whose names all seem to have come from a Dick and Jane reader: Mandy Mitchell, Trent Thompson, et.al.

I also have no patience whatsoever for poor writing. Heavens knows I have my own challenges as a writer, but sometimes I’m so amazed at the quality of what I’m reading that I go back and check to see what fly-by-night publisher sent this drivel out into the world. And yes, as a self-published writer I am able to spot the irony here.

I took a chance at the library this week and strayed from my usual list of writers and picked up a few unfamiliar names. The latest one, whose back cover promises “Good, dark fun” and claims the writer “practically invented the thriller” was another disappointment.

I tried to slog through the prologue (have you noticed everyone’s throwing in a prologue lately to avoid the labor of weaving background information into the story itself?), I swear I did try, but I gave up halfway because of this:

Second sentence- As the clumsy maid leaned in

Second paragraph – As the chauffeur opened the door,

Third paragraph – As the car pulled up on the graveled driveway

          There were at least three more clauses employing ‘as’ before the prologue came to a stop.

          Never mind that it all began with the tired phrase of ‘In the soft light of flickering candles”. I’ll save the next installment of Cranky Reader for another time – maybe about the need to sensationalize everything. (Case in point another trite example from this sad prologue: Connie was very curvaceous, her bleached blonde hair reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe, and she had perfect the movie star’s sultry pout.)

          Agatha and Miss Marple where are you?