Perfectly good reasons not to do housework

 or

Spring cleaning? What spring cleaning?

As the world outside begins to break through the pale eggshell of spring, and I’m serenaded by earnest spring peepers, I gaze at the russet souvenirs from the garden that trail across my house . . .
and contemplate spring cleaning.

In a time of year that is one big metaphor for new beginnings and new attitudes, it’s only appropriate that we also reassess our view of housework.

How about the unexpected delight you can bring others by an impromptu soft-shoe in the kitty litter ringing a two-foot area around the catbox?

Also, dear reader, it’s hard to overstate the aesthetic joy of beginning my day by admiring the artful contrast of my shower curtain’s patches of green patina against the tender pink of my bathroom tiles.

And here’s a helpful idea:  fine hardwood furniture receives valuable protection when wrapped in the embrace of a thick gray fleece of dust.

Then there is the warm security of knowing that the first crunching step on my kitchen floor will give the most motivated burglar pause.

But there are bigger considerations that just my own small world.

The gelatinous murk embedded in the rubber seal of the fridge is just one example of my commitment to ‘go green.’ Not only does it create beneficial everyday strength training to anyone attempting to open the door (so much for you, doctor, with your bone density tests), most importantly, it further ensures a good tight seal, thus reducing energy loss and therefore my carbon footprint.

And while I’m considering my legacy to the happy heirs I will leave behind to fester in the upcoming 140 degree summers, I must not forget other forms of energy usage.

Think how many polar bears we can put back on their ice floes by reducing our selfish obsession with rubble-free rugs and ring-less toilets as we unplug our vacuums and rise from our reddened knees.

How many trees will remain standing tall and proud against future years’ hurricanes, tornadoes, and ten-day nor'easters when we throw down our paper towels, casting aside this fixation to see every detail of the world outside our windows?

 Remember, those windows work both ways (unless you’re obscenely rich and have the one-way kind, and therefore, being rich, you can do any damn thing you want) and that world out there can see you .

Are you sure you want to entertain passers-by as though you were one of those aging TV actors now tossed into a high-def world where each viewer can inspect every mole, wart, and childhood scar of his favorite character? 

So just put down that Windex and think for a moment.