Useful Knowledge

I could use an owner’s manual for our new place.
It’s too bad that in most cases by the time we all work our way through the skirmishes of purchasing a home with offers and counter offers, inspections and the resulting demands for fuse box repairs, buyer and seller have a pretty edgy relationship.

          We're unlikely to invite the previous owners over after they left behind a six-foot artificial tree for us to deal with, and I doubt if they’re putting together the menu for a visit from us after we forced them to knock several thousand dollars off the asking price.

          The previous owners were kind enough to leave behind paperwork on the major appliances, but I could use a bit more specific information. I did finally figure out that the hook by the sink was a good place to put a dish towel, but there’s a lot more I’d like to know. 

          I wish I could call them up to ask the best way to clean the cavernous shower, with its nine foot ceiling and big enough to clean an entire basketball team. At once.  

          And what does that third switch in that bank of four go to?

          How do I care for the kitchen floor? I’m not used to a hardwood floor in the kitchen even if it is polyeurothaned.

          What’s the purpose of the big metal ring embedded outside the porch?

          They were apparently manic gardeners, even with the small allotment of land for each owner. Did they sneak off to the woods in back of us to dispose of their weeds and clippings?

          And it would really save us some time if they could fill us in on which neighbors to embrace and which to avoid.