We reach a point
where we think that we are done with change in our lives – the kids are grown,
the house is paid for, there are no more workplace goals – and we retire.
Yet this is one of the biggest changes of all. For most, everything slows and then stops. The pace of our life relaxes and daily tensions evaporate. Sadly, often so does both our purpose and our connections to others.
Yet this is one of the biggest changes of all. For most, everything slows and then stops. The pace of our life relaxes and daily tensions evaporate. Sadly, often so does both our purpose and our connections to others.
During
the first big downturn in the economy many wrote about the emotional toll job
loss can have on the newly unemployed. Often a person’s identity is
the job and once that’s lost, so is he.
Retirement
is a permanent version of this. I served
recently on a scholarship review committee, made up of a group of former
teachers, along with some very important people from our school system’s
central office. Introductions traveled around the table, and I noticed some
former principals simply referred to themselves as former administrators.
However, two other people who had both had held very elevated positions in our
schools responded differently from each other. One laughed and said he had held
too many positions to name, while the other made a point of stating her former
title. It’s easier for some than others to step away.
The
key is to have something to step toward. Our sense of our own importance is
tied up so much in what we do.
Who are we when we
are no longer doing it?
We
also step away from friendships imbedded in our lives through our work. These
took little effort on our part – these were friends built conveniently into
our day. Once we leave that work, these connections often fall away.
The
first few weeks of retirement are all about discovering the heady freedom of
empty daytime hours – shuffling around happily in pajamas until 11 am or being able to shop without the company
of all those other harried people picking something up on their way home.
Ultimately,
though, retirement can be difficult for some. Now we’re on our own - no
one but us to structure our day, and those milestones and accolades are few.
It’s the fortunate retiree who learns how to create a new purpose and gather a
new network of friends.
What a timely post. I retired several months ago, and have loved the freedom to do whatever, whenever. I do feel that, eventually, I'll need more of a focus, but for now, I'm good with taking my daily walks, whenever I want, staying in my pajamas all morning if it's raining, going to the store when everyone else is working...etc. Easing into this has been easy for me, but I know it's more difficult for some. I'm just happy to have reached this point in life that, so far, has been most wonderful.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Bica. It can be a magical time if you do it right.
ReplyDeleteThe friends is an interesting part of retirement. I very seldom see my teacher friends. I have made new and different friends. I've served on various boards and done volunteer work. I'm doing things that I never had time for when I was teaching. It's fun!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how you think you'll stay in touch, but you don't?
DeleteIt sounds like you've got this retirement thing figured out.
I am fourteen months into retirement. I like being able to do what I want when I want and not having to schedule around my six days off a month. :)
ReplyDeleteI had a difficult time adjusting to retirement. After ten years, I still get that feeling that my life is over.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably the hardest for the people who were good at what they did, and who did it well.
Delete"Who are we when we are no longer doing it?"
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm a nobody, but even when I was working, I was a nobody. I didn't hold any positions of importance at any of the jobs I worked at. In the factories, I was just one among many on the factory floor, at the supermarket I was just another checkout operator.
That's okay with me, I never wanted to be the boss, the one responsible for everything that happens.
I was always happy just to put in a good days work then go home and do all the housewifey things.
And you probably made the smoothest transition of anybody.
DeleteSounds a bit like motherhood once the children have left for school. I sometimes wait to go shopping with the children at the busy time because it feels less lonely.
ReplyDeleteMy dad just retired.
True - and empty nest would be a whole other version.
DeleteHaving been laid off five years ago after 20 years with one company, I can vouch for the huge personal shifts that occur when you leave a longtime employer. I always wondered who I would be without that job. I subsequently found that I'm still me, and actually leaving wasn't nearly as difficult as I feared. There IS a period of adjustment, and then I went back to work again -- so it wasn't quite like retirement. But those changes are real!
ReplyDeleteI retired seven years ago now, and we immediately moved from Colorado to the Pacific Northwest, leaving behind all our friends. I can see how different it's been for me than it has been for my husband. I'm extroverted and like a schedule and have a new circle of friends, while he is still finding his way. I don't miss my job, but sometimes I miss old friends. Thankfully, Facebook keeps me somewhat in touch and I know of any big life changes through that venue. I would never go back. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is sad . . . I used to give the company retirees their recognition gifts. Often they passed away within a few months of retiring.
ReplyDeleteQuite often that does happen.
DeleteMy husband and I both took early retirement, I've been retired 12 years and it's been 13 for him. We had decided years ago that retiring early was what we wanted and we worked toward that goal.
ReplyDeleteWe love being retired and often remark that we can't figure out how we ever had time to work.
We moved from California to Georgia when we retired, that was a big step, but it has worked well for us. We have family scattered all over the place including our only child who lives in Japan.
I'm fortunate in some respects with my choice of work or employment...self employed artist. I won't ever truly retire until I can no longer makes things. my life is sort of tied up in my job but really it's more like my job is tied up with my life. I don't do as much commission work as I used to, not actively promoting it so a sort of retirement but it doesn't mean the end of my life or the end of making things. we knew a guy who was in in 70s and had his own glass business and had no intention of retiring because all his brothers had died within a year of retiring. he worked until he was in his 80s. having your whole life revolve around your job is unhealthy in many ways. everyone should have a hobby, find something to do that gives you pleasure.
ReplyDeleteDon't miss the job one bit nor the structure but I do miss some of my old friends. Oddly, I still get random calls from people I haven't been in the same room with for 10 years. The good ones we don't lose and the new ones are so darn interesting possibly because we don't have history. Am loving it.
ReplyDeleteI was laid off from a place where I had worked for 27 years and transitioned to another job in another place with more money and more flexibility. I felt like I belonged at the other job even though I had more money and more flexibility. I retired at 61 1/2; never regretted it and been busy every since.
ReplyDeleteI was so totally excited about having retired that I could not sleep at night. I would lay awake thinking, I don't have to go to work. Many many mornings I was up at 3:00 am sitting in the sewing room.
ReplyDeleteOh, Miss HP, that is so funny. Kind of defeats the whole idea of retirement as a restful time! (Not to mention the one thousand and one things we see you busy with on your blog!)
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