Saturday, April 8, 2017

She Who Must Not be Named

Today, Mamie and I had just begun her early-morning stroll and snuffle.
We’d made it to the building next to ours, which like other buildings in the complex, had a garage between it and the road circling the condos. 

The I heard The Voice.

I stopped Mamie in her tracks on the sidewalk and flattened myself against the wall of the garage. After a few breathless moments, I looked around the corner and saw a figure moving away down the road. I dragged Mamie at top speed in the other direction.

I came upon Janice, my next door neighbor, who was out with her ridiculously cute chocolate Yorkshire terrier, Reesie.

I said, “I have a confession.”

She said, “You hid.”

I said, “Did you see me?”

She said, “No, but that’s what I figured. She caught me a few minutes ago.”

There’s a woman in our complex who’s elevated herself beyond condo board president to Queen Bee of Everything. The same woman whose condo overlooks the pool and who watches us with her binoculars, the better to gallop down from the third floor to point out that no floats are allowed, or that a take-out cup of coffee by the pool is forbidden.

Funny thing was, the name was never spoken but Janice and I both knew who we meant.


  1. I love this! Our family has someone we call Voldemort as a code name, but fitting in its meaning.
    But seriously, how sad that many of you feel you can't go about doing your regular lives without her swooping in and telling you what you can and cannot do. I don't suppose she is very self-aware? -Jenn

    1. Euphemisms like "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" spring to mind.

  2. There's one in every neighborhood!

  3. what a sad life she must have. I mean how can someone like that be happy when they are ever on the lookout for things to be upset by.

  4. Sigh. I would be hiding too. Possibly permanently. And without doubt the Queen Bee herself is not happy either. Or doesn't have enough to fill her days.

  5. It's sad that some of these misfits get to take over.

  6. "Queen Bee" needs to be dethroned. Or her rules must be completely ignored by everybody. Or perhaps everyone could ask her to join whatever they are doing and just maybe she would soften up a bit?
    Having said that, I confess I'd be avoiding her too.

  7. Oh my. She must be very lonely since nobody wants to talk with her or have her around. Which means she gets even worse to be with. Sigh. :-(

  8. there are some good things about living in the boonies:)

  9. Stories like this make me glad I didn't buy a condo a few years back when i was in serious shopping mode. You told it well, by the way.


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