Saturday, September 3, 2016

Heaven in a can



After all that virtuous talk of vegetables, it’s only right that I own
up to a few guilty pleasures.
This morning I dished out a praiseworthy portion of low-fat cottage cheese for my breakfast and then cancelled out all that righteousness with a generous allotment of maraschino cherries.

          In high school, one of the hidden benefits of babysitting was a new refrigerator to explore once the kids were in bed. The trick was to graze lightly, focusing on items that came either in multiples unlikely to be counted – cheese slices, pickles - or in a mass difficult to gauge – whipped cream in a can.

My father was more a gin and tonic kind of guy, so maraschino cherries never made it to our fridge. One of the families I sat for must have been big on Singapore Slings or Whisky Sours, because I could always depend on finding a jar at their house that was none the worse for 3 or 4 (or more) missing cherries.

          Last week I was in the grocery store, working my way down the aisles - No, we don’t need cereal, yes, we’re out of ketchup – when I went past the canned meat section, an area I always ignore since we’re not much of a Spam or chipped beef on toast family.  As I went by, a small can on the shelf called to me as loudly as any chocolate bar ever has. It was a can of Vienna sausages,  basically bologna, something else I never buy, in tube form.

          But after church on hot summer Sundays (which in Oklahoma is basically a given), my grandmother would sometimes serve a cold meat platter and it always featured a cluster of Vienna sausages. I could have eaten my portion and everyone else’s besides. I don’t recall having had any since I was twelve.

          That day I walked past the canned meat and began to round the corner to the next aisle. I found my feet moving backward as though some unseen hand had put my legs into reverse. I picked up the can and never looked back.

          The content information claims that a can contains two
portions of sausages, but at lunch that day I proved them wrong.


13 comments:

  1. You made me laugh to remember those days of babysitting and grazing. I had one family who always had cartons and cartons of the best ice cream in their chest freezer. I helped myself until I got sick! :-)

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  2. Love your description of Vienna Sausages, I don't eat them, but my husband gets a hankering for them from time to time. We call them Vian Sausages, Vian being the town in Oklahoma the my Mother and Sisters lived in.

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    1. How funny. I'm not familiar with Vian. I've got (or had) family connections to Sapulpa, Stillwater, Tulsa, and Mangum - which my great-grandfather Ashley was instrumental in founding.

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  3. I found a miscalculated serving size yesterday, when I opened the three serving package of Almondina.
    I was a babysitter grazer, too.
    My mother regularly served maraschino cherries on a scoop of cottage cheese, and kept a can of Vienna sausages in the house. Now days, my mouth would revolt against the salt in the sausages. Maraschino cherries are still OK.

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  4. oooo vienna sausages. eaten a few myself but like you it's been many many years.

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  5. Yes, grazing in others fridges was fun, especially if you came from a home whose refrigerator was pretty bare most time.

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  6. Boy did you take me back. I use to work with a guy that was addicted to Vienna sausages. Every time I see a can, I smile and think of Ray.

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  7. Guilty pleasures are sometimes an essential.

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  8. Had a chuckle over the Vienna Sausage. I also had pleasant memories of those an not too long ago decided to try a can for old times sake. I suppose my taste have changed, I was disappointed.

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    1. Yeah, they were okaaay. My reaction was more Meh. . .

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  9. I know the feeling of not being able to say no, but it wouldn't be on Vienna Sausages.

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  10. I remember these from when I was very young, but haven't seen any for a long time. I must look closer at the shelves ans I zip past on my way to the icecream. I find that chocolate bars no longer call to me, it's that sweet, creamy deliciousness of vanilla icecream that whispers in my ear. "you know you want some..

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  11. This is so funny! We always had Vienna sausages, potted meat sardines, and saltine crackers on hand when I was growing up, especially for when we were traveling. It was so easy to stop at a picnic table along the highway and open a can meat to eat with a cracker.

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