Tuesday, March 15, 2016

The Hunt is On



     Today was a shopping day, practically mandatory when it’s 50 degrees out and raining.
My friend and I made the hour-long trek to the mall in Natick. We in Western Massachusetts might as well be living on the east side of Mars for all the shopping opportunities here. Usually I don’t mind – I’m retired, so my most taxing sartorial decision these days is which sweatshirt to wear with today’s jeans.

          Except there’s an EVENT looming on the horizon. This means I need a dress, and not just any dress. A MOG (Mother of the Groom) dress. This also means I have to face the dreaded dressing room and its sadistic mirrors. I had already made one hellish trip through the Grand Prix traffic of route 84 outside of Hartford to another distant mall. There I spent the afternoon stuffing my pasty winter body into sparkly and unforgiving dresses while a herd of high school girls skittered in and out of the dressing rooms trying on Prom Dresses. 


“A 6? I can’t wear a 6! Don’t they have any 4’s?”

Not good for morale. 


Today was no different. I’ve been to Nordstrom’s, Lord & Taylor, Neiman Marcus (what was I thinking? I can’t afford a belt there), and Macy’s.

          My goal is to find a dress somewhere between Nursing Home Resident and Cougar. The problem is that I have one version of myself in my head, and the other – and only too real – version in that dressing room mirror. 


          Thankfully, we finished the day in a store that for both of us Virgos was like finding Mecca.

The Container Store.  The possibilities were infinite for all of our compulsive color-coding, organizing, stacking, hanging, and sorting needs.

          I sighed in relief, releasing the breath I’d been holding since that last sequin-encrusted, spandex-riddled sheath. 
 

8 comments:

  1. Very humorous. So ya gotta use what you've got.

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  2. An EVENT requiring a dress? One of my biggest nightmares. And the two versions of myself is frighteningly real too.
    Good luck.

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  3. I laughed at your description of trying to find The Dress. I've been there, but fortunately for me I don't even have one in my closet, except for one I found in a vintage store that I'm saving for Halloween. Good luck! I love the Container Store, too. :-)

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  4. Oh, been there and most recently. Had to have a fancy dress for a formal wedding last October. the biggest department store closest to me (30 minutes down the highway) is JC Penney. not exactly a place where you buy glamorous dresses. Target had NO fancy dresses.

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  5. Ah, but can you wear a container?

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    1. OMG! You may be on to something there. . .

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  6. I don’t have a dress, not one; and now never will have. For any formal occasion - few and far between - I wear a suit, skirt suit or trouser suit. Preferably a glamorous trouser suit. I can’t be bothered with pantyhose (tights in English - for obvious reasons) - and heels. You can dress up any suit with silk blouses (shirts?). I NEVER wear sparkles. But I love hats.

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  7. I need a dress too for sister of the groom. It's gonna take some hunting and maybe slimming!

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