Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Calling all Jeeves

It could be too many hours of Downton Abbey, but I’ve had a revelation.

I need a lackey.
He (or she – I can be gender blind in my oppression) would:

Stand quietly in a corner of the gym holding my car keys and wallet, thus solving a universal paradox. We all need these objects to get there, but are supposed to be burden-free as we go from treadmill to stationary bike to rowing machine. 

Hover overnight in the garage and dash immediately out to carry off snow as it falls, thereby eliminating that morning surprise of a white driveway gumming up an early appointment.

Follow behind me on my walk, ready to tote my coat at the point when I inevitably switch from wishing I had a heavier one to not wanting one at all.

Appear magically at my car’s trunk when I arrive home with groceries. He would not only unload, but shelve each can of beans, every box of cereal, to include wrapping and labeling for the freezer all those fantastic buys on meat I’ve scored.

Carry my purse (which is getting heavier each year, due more to lack of editing than age.) I would need only to extend my hand and in it would be placed shopping glasses, tissues, or phone.

Develop a bunion in exactly the same place as mine and then break in all of my shoes.

Wear a homing device connected to my reading glasses, my computer glasses, and my TV glasses. (The payback for forty-five years of 20/20 vision.)

Now if I could just decide on the uniform.


  1. a lackey would be nice but I would prefer a clone.

  2. Jeeves would be great, but I'd settle for Beech from Blandings.

  3. I would settle for a 'traditional wife'. The wages are lower.

  4. Great idea. Send him over to walk the dogs at night when it's raining, please!

  5. Pretty funny. I especially like all your commenters' ideas. Ha! :-)

    1. My visitors are generally more clever than me.

  6. If I could get one to just vacuum I would be ecstatic.

  7. You have a very good idea. We used to have personal servants sometime before my time!

  8. I'd send in my application if it weren't for the snow and bunion things.

  9. Oh yes, yes, yes! Someone who wants to cook when I don't would also be good. Great post!

  10. I'm afraid I would not know how to act, having a lackey. I've been the lackey here for thirty some years, without any pay. :)

  11. A lackey would be a most excellent thing to have!


Thanks for stopping by and I'd love to hear what you think.