Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Five Sentence Fiction

     I thought I'd try my hand again at the
Lillie McFerrin Writes challenge,  
Five Sentence Fiction.
You can find more examples at 

         http://lilliemcferrin.com/







This week's word is


         Offering







Benny watched in anticipation from his seat the first day, but his small bouquet of backyard violets lay ignored on the seat of bus 23 after she sat down. 
The second day he watched her pull the cord for her stop and exit down the aisle, unaware of the smiley sticker he had affixed earlier to the window next to her usual seat. 
The third day he decided stronger measures were needed and taped his drawing of her where she couldn’t miss it, on the back of the seat she always faced, with the message “From a friend.”
She touched the likeness, but her smile turned to a look of confusion when she read his message; she turned her gaze away to the scene out of the window. 
He had no way of knowing that her dyslexia had mangled his tender gesture into the words,  “Form a fiend.”


17 comments:

  1. Ah, the best laid schemes...

    Great story!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm....a communication problem for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorta sad little story. Hope he perservers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that I think of it, I could have made Benny a mute to really make it seem futile. But never fear, he finally thinks to offer chocolate and wins her heart in a trice.

      Delete
  4. Aw, this was really well done but such a sad outcome for all his efforts! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. A great story in 5 sentences. Beginning, middle and end and also suspense! Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Such a sweet guy. Good story, so short.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh my! This was terrific. Loved the twist in the end. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. So very sweet and a little sad too.

    ReplyDelete
  9. A lovely and unique take on the prompt, sweet, but sad...

    ReplyDelete
  10. A unique and lovely story, sad but sweet...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Now that's a really sad one :(. Hope he perseveres and she realizes that he is a friend rather than a fiend.

    ReplyDelete
  12. oh poor thing, completely missed those sweet advances - hope they get together anyway - great story!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by and I'd love to hear what you think.