Today’s appointment had me pondering some of life’s conundrums.
_____1. Do you race to your doctor’s appointment only to find yourself stalled in the waiting room by a grumpy girl behind the glass window who hands you a clipboard and asks you to fill out a double sided form of your medical history?
You’ve been going to this doctor for years – shouldn’t he know this stuff about you already? Does it worry you that in this age of massive computer memory they aren’t keeping records?
_____2. Have you wasted time thinking about what to wear to the doctor’s when in reality you are inevitably going to end up in a pale aqua gown with strings that are too often missing?
_____3. Do you ever wonder how the truly heavy people manage with these gowns when, even though we could stand to lose a few pounds ourselves, we’re still a fairly reasonable size and yet we must constantly yank and adjust due to traveling gaps and shortages in coverage?
_____4. When disrobing, do you carefully hide your unmentionables under your other clothing as though you would never wear anything as crass as underwear? Did you ever forget to put on your presentable, go-to-meetin’ underwear and instead had the bad luck to grab something grey with age?
_____5. Earring wearers, when dressing for your doctor’s visit, do you ever return jewelry back to its container when you realize those long come-hither earrings might look a bit out of place there on the examining table?
_____6. Have you ever looked down to discover with horror that your toe is peering up through a large hole? Or that in the rush to get dressed, have you ever found you are wearing the socks covered in smiling kittens?
_____7. Do you climb up to sit on the edge of the examining table for that looong wait, adjusting your gown about you, like a candidate for a good conduct medal,
____7a. Do you strike out for independence from authority and wait in the chair, checking your phone for messages, only moving when the doctor finally makes her appearance?
_____8. Do you forget all the questions you had prepared for this appointment, only to remember them once you are out on the street and unsure if you remembered to zip up your pants?